First Day of Spring and my "slow cooker"

I am still pregnant! Ugh! I can't tell you how frustrated I was when I waited 21 total days past the day I was told to expect Jake, and now I am once again in the same boat at 13 days past the expected day of arrival. Of course that day is just a date they give you and it doesn't always mean it is going to come even within a few days of it, but for crying out loud! I am so sick of being pregnant. The bending over to pick up everyone's stuff(JAKE!), the constant nesting state that I have been in for the last three weeks, the restless nights of sleep, the not so comfortable intimate moments with my husband, the pressure, the pinched nerves, the low back aches at the end of the day, the elbows and knees that Jake has perfect aim with, all the comments I get from people who I don't know that ask when I am due("why aren't you getting induced?" "you look miserable" etc), never feeling comfortable in any kind of sitting position, going to the bathroom every 30 min. Yeah, the list goes on. If I am not constantly busy or have plans I wait around in sheer boredom and think about what I would be doing if I wasn't pregnant.
Whine Whine Whine. I know I need to grow up and stop complaining. I could be on bed rest and not be able to do anything but lay around listening to my son whine because his mama can't get up and play or take him to the park.
My one perk for not having gone into labor yet is that today is the first day of Spring! I can gladly say that this baby will not be a winter baby. THANK GOODNESS!
I have pretty much everything ready to go. We set up the birthing tub last Tuesday thinking for sure something was going to happen last week. I just love how it has been taking up so much room in my living room!
I have an appointment tomorrow morning with my midwife and really hoping I will not be making that appointment. Seriously Baby! Let's get this party started!

40 week pics

These were taken a week ago when I was 40 weeks pregnant. I am only 5 days overdue(if my due date was correct) so hold on everyone. This baby will come into the world when it is good and ready. I thought it would be cool to have a baby today(March 13th) because Jake was also born on a Sunday, Sept 13th. There is still time for labor to start and make that happen so we shall see!

Due Date Today...deepest thoughts

I haven't been sleeping well the last several nights. Always wide awake wondering if tonight is the night the baby will come! All the anticipation makes my hearts race to the point where I start to freak out and all I can do is pray to help me change my mindset. I haven't had very many positive thoughts about having a second child lately. Especially not about the labor part of it. Jake's birth was not a terrible experience but it certainly was not one of my favorite experiences either. At least up until the point he was finally out! I don't look forward to labor for the second time at all! I have to be completely honest about this and tell you that being in pain is not something I tolerate very well. I hate being on my period and that pain is nothing compared to giving birth! I don't even have bad cramps when I am on my cycle! I would rather hike the Appalachian Trail all over again than go through what I am about to go through again. I know that sounds extreme because a 6 months hike shouldn't sound more appealing than a 6 hour labor(if I get lucky with only 6 hours of labor).
You would think I would have a lot more confidence the second time around. I don't. I am more scared this time because I know how bad it hurt and I didn't have another child to care for the first time. Plenty of moms do this and we all get through it, but that hasn't changed my apprehensive heart about what I am truly feeling inside. I know it will all change once the baby is finally here. I don't even know what I am having so I feel no relationship to this new person I have been carrying for 9 months. We have names picked out but I can't even call it by name until I know if it is a boy or girl.
I want to say that I am tough, but I don't feel tough. Most people think I am crazy and "tough" for having a baby at home. I might be crazy, but I am certainly not tough. I know I can get through it. I did it once and I can do it again.
Every birth experience is different from the first and as tired as I am of being pregnant I just never seem to feel ready to go through with it(as if I have a choice). *sigh* I must sound like a big wimp!
Jake is now down for a nap and that is where I am about to head myself. No signs of labor yet! My gut tells me it will be soon though. Pray that I will not have so many negative thoughts and learn to relax when the time comes.

I guess it is time for an update.

I am now in the middle of my 38thth week of pregnancy. That is exciting for many reasons. One, I look forward to finding out what this little one is going to be in a few short weeks(that is, unless it decides to wait three extra weeks to come out like Jake did). I was sick for a good two weeks this month which didn't allow me to get hardly any sleep at night or even naps during the day. I feel much better now and doing all I can to avoid catching another cold before I have this baby.
Speaking of which...this pregnancy has been a breeze and I was happy to get on the scale yesterday and see that I have only gained 21 pounds, unlike the 37 I gained with Jake. I haven't been trying to control my weight or anything. Seriously... as much of a health freak I usually tend to be, I have been living it up on eating lots of food, not necessarily junk, but just a lot of food. I love food!
Jake is now 17 months old and such a joy to have around! I never knew how much fun it would be to have a kid! Of course I miss my freedom to do what I want whenever I want, but that is a small sacrifice to make to have the chance to raise my very own child and be able to get 100 hugs from him everyday.
Jake has been talking up a storm. The last two weeks his vocabulary has jumped from just a few words to trying to say everything! Of course he doesn't say them correctly but he is trying and his sign language has developed more as well. He loves animals, and making their noises, reading books, playing outside(no matter how cold or nasty it is), playing at day care, crawling all over our dog Max, eating(go figure), watching Baby Einstein and cookie monster, and waking up before the crack of dawn(grrrr!). I can't complain about much when it comes to being a mommy. It would be nice to have a kid that liked to sleep in a little later, but hey, at least he is very comfortable putting himself to sleep in his own bed and doesn't wake up in the middle of the night.
Toddlers are so funny to watch! I wish I had a baby language translator that told me what he was jibber jabbering about. Anytime Jake gets hurt he has no problem yelling at the structure or person that did the deed. He points and says, "that, that, that" over and over again. As much as I treasure these moments now I look forward to when Jake is in his preschool age and we can have more grown up conversations about life. He has become a cuddly little guys as well. He loves to wrap his arms around my neck and hold onto me as long as I will let him. I never thought I would enjoy having my child cling onto me so much since I am not a touchy feely kind of person(unless it is with Joe of course!). I love all the hugs and kisses Jake gives me, and yes, even the times he just wants to be held for no reason other than to be held(right in the middle of trying to get something done).
Onto other topics...
We are in the middle of re-modeling our little double wide trailer. I know it doesn't sound worth the effort or money, but if you have been to our place before you would probably have agreed that we really needed a little more space and a garage. The garage was finished last September thanks to many family members and friends as well as donated materials to get it done! It is so wonderful to have a place to park my van out of the wind, rain and snow. We cut a hole the wall of the house going into the garage for a laundry/mudroom. It is almost finished! I will be so glad to have my washer and dryer back. You don't realize how grateful you are for something until it is taken away from you! I haven't been doing cloth diapers since December because of not having a washer and dryer so it will also be nice to save that money we have been wasting away on disposables. I have to admit it has been nice to not deal with messy diapers that need to be dunked in the toilet and let's not forget the smell! Well, they do save money and that is worth having to put up with the nastiness of them!
My husband has been working his butt off since October trying to work extra jobs to pay for our mortgage on our home in Anderson all while trying to get the remodeling done on the house. Thankfully our home in Anderson is now occupied with another lease to own renter which means Joe can stay home more! I miss him so much when he is gone, but thankful for the sacrifices he had to make to provide for us. I would hate to be in his shoes and have to leave him and Jake at home for 4-5 days at a time, week after week. We made it work and life is pretty much back to normal.
I do have some belly pics to post but can't find the cord for the camera to download them so I will save those for another blog.
Blessings!

America The Comfortable

It feels so good to be back home on American soil! My recent  nine day trip to Haiti proved itself to be difficult in a number of ways  for me. I have never been to a third world country besides my four  visits to Mexico since I was a high school student. I am not quite sure  how to process my thoughts as I write. So much happened and I don't want  to bore you will all the petty details.

Our first day consisted of flying to Miami and then to Port Au Prince. Getting my first glance at a third world country from the air threw my emotions into a whirlwind of uncertainties. I had a small picture of what Haiti would look like based upon my husbands last visit over a year ago. Although his last visit was 9 months before the earthquake so this was going to be a new experience for him as well. I was warned of Haitian men crowding around us once we landed and had our bags, not asking if we needed help, but basically grabbing our bags out of our hands so they could get a few bucks out of us. Luckily all I had was a back pack, but my poor husband had two duffel bags that weighed 50lbs each. They were all over him like flies on cow poop! He literally had to elbow a guy off of him and firmly said, "No Merci" a bunch of times. They apparently don't know what NO THANKS means in their own language.

We were happily greeted by a pastor friend of Tina's (missionary we were meeting to work for), who thankfully spoke a little bit of English. I was relieved to have him with us. I felt way out of my comfort zone and we had not even left the airport yet! I was most worried about our crazy and long drive through Port Au Prince and then through the mountains to get to Jacmel where Tina lives. It is really only about a 60 mile drive which typically takes about 2.5-3 hours to get too. This trip took us 4.5 hours and let me tell ya my butt was ready to get off that hard seated mini bus. Our trip through the city was quieter than expected, not the city itself, but the five of us traveling in the van. We sat in awe of the sights, rubble, crowds of people, millions of tarp tents(due to the earthquake), and the nasty, stinky blanket of garbage that covered the streets.

I was already wishing I had never left the ground at the Miami Airport. I was nervous, I felt vulnerable, unsure I would even make it home alive(a little extreme I know), or that this trip would even prove itself to be worthwhile seeing all the damage the country has had to deal with for the last year. It was so hard to feel even a little hope for Haiti. So little progress has been made and before the earthquake even happened they were already a country in a heap of poverty and spiritual warfare. Now people are fighting to survive even more!

During our visit I was able to experience some of the worst driving roads ever as well as a couple of crazy markets where people were selling all kinds of food, clothes, shoes etc. I was also flashed by an old man...YUCK! Tina also took us into one of the tent cities that were basically the size of a soccer field. It was full of tarp tents that had 8 families in each tent. These were not big tents by any means. I chose not to take pictures here because I felt like I was invading these people's lives. My friend and I were immediately greeted by a little 5 years old who held our hands throughout our tour through the tents and when I asked what her name was all she said was, "I want to go home with you!" It broke my heart to hear that since she was only wearing a shirt and was covered in dirt. She was a beautiful little girl!

The biggest and scariest event of our trip happened within the first 24 hours of being there. We borrowed Tina's truck to run an errand and on our way back had a wreck with a two guys on a moped. We had been making a left turn and they came up on our left side and basically T-boned us. The passenger feel off and got up right away, and the driver was down and quickly on his way to hopping up, but when they saw we were white he promptly laid back down and acted as though he was really hurt with the hopes of getting more money out of us. Within less than a minute the truck was surrounded by 50 Haitians, screaming back and forth at each other and at us. We later found out that they were yelling back and forth at each other because half of them recognized the truck to be Tina's truck and to leave us alone because we were friends of Tina's, while the other half were trying to keep the driver on the ground, pretending to be hurt and didn't care if we were friends of Tina's. It was a little terrifying since the four of us in the truck were all white, didn't speak Creole, and all I could think about was, "are these people going to start beating us up?" I seriously felt like we were in one of those movies you watch where the white men get beat up to death while visiting another country. My friend Aggie and I sat in the back seat of the truck, with the windows rolled up and the doors locked praying that Tina would show up soon and get us out of that mess! Within 30 min of Tina showing up and making a few calls to the police the situation was taken care of. It ended up being the moped driver's fault but there was still a court visit that took place as well as helping him cover part of the damage to his moped.

Now that I am home I look at the things I have with much more gratitude. Lots of times I wished we had a little bit bigger of a home with more storage space and play area for us to have more kids. After getting a glance at the concrete15x15 shacks that a family of 4-8 Haitians has to live in with no running water or electricity I think I am doing rather well in my double wide trailer with a new attached garage, clean running water and electricity. I am even more thankful for my old stained carpet and the poor insulation which causes a draft that keeps our heater running all day. Life is very easy for us in America, but you don't really understand that until you see how bad it could be with your own eyes. I knew it was bad in Haiti, just from what I was told from others that had visited before. I never knew the greatness of how bad until I got to experience it for myself.

I’m planning to go back to Haiti when our youngest child is a couple of years old. I wasn't able to do much by way of helping out on projects since I was over 30 weeks pregnant so it would be nice to get the chance to get my hands dirty and feel like I contributed to the cause. So much more needs to be done and the only thing that puts Tina's many life saving projects on hold is "MONEY." That is all! MONEY!

Nothing more profound comes to my mind about our trip at this point. I hope my thoughts aren't so jumbled you are able to get a small picture about my experience. It certainly was not a place I really want to go back too, but it is a beautiful culture of people who were very excepting of us and Tina will always need people to come help her in her ministry. It is my one connection to a place where I can be involved in doing what God commanded us, which is to look out for and care for the widows, orphans, and the poor.

30 Weeks Pregnant and Haiti

Wow! I have been pregnant for 28 weeks and it feel like only 8 weeks! Seriously this has been one easy pregnancy. I thought Jake's was easy, but this one beats being pregnant with him by far! I haven't had any problems except for a little heartburn, but that one's my fault for eating acidic foods I know I should stay away from!
I would like to post a picture of my belly but I don't have one on hand right now so I will save that for when I am bigger!
What I would like to ask for all my readers to do for me over the next couple of week is to pray for Joe and me. We will be flying out to Haiti on December 28th and will be gone until Jan 5th. We have been planning this trip for a year now and when I found out I was pregnant in July I immediately changed my plans to go knowing I would be going into my 30th week of being pregnant and didn't want to risk catching some weird disease, get sick, being uncomfortable sleeping on a floor for 8 nights, or go into pre-term labor in a third world country!  After praying about it and reading half of "The Hold in our Gospel" I felt convicted by my fears and told God if he wanted me to go to Haiti to provide the funds for me to go and I would willingly go! I can lie! I was scared after I told him that because right away I felt God tell me, "really Melissa? That is it? All I have to do is give you the money to go and you will go? Done!" Ahhhhhhh! Thankfully I am not scared anymore! I just know I am going to miss my son like crazy!
I am most excited about the company we will be traveling with! There are only 5 of us going but two of them we hiked many miles with on the AT and haven't seen them since before we finished the trail. We love them dearly and ask for you to pray for them as well. I know God is going to work in some pretty powerful ways for all of us and hopefully in even more ways for the people we will be helping! I am unsure of all the details as far as what exactly we will be doing while we are there but that doesn't really matter because whatever it is will be for the Kingdom and we are excited to help in anyway we can! I hope to update you while there but I know the internet service is very unstable so you may not hear form me until after we return. Thanks for your prayers!

working mom or stay at home mom?

Which one are you and why? I don't really need to know why but I just thought I'd start my blog with a question. I certainly don't care either way what one women decides vs. another when it comes to working, or staying at home with the kids. I do care what God thinks about my decisions and my reasoning behind staying at home with Jake.
I encourage you to take some time to read a blog I found yesterday that covers this topic so much better than I ever could. Even if you aren't married and don't have kids yet I still encourage you to read because one day you probably will be married and with children. The bloggers name is Kristi and she lives in Oregon and has 5 kids, 3 of those being 4 year old triplets! She has been married to her husband for 12 years and has been a stay at home mom for the last 11 years. She loves the Lord and strives to serve him in the way God has created her to live as a wife and mom. I was glued to her post like a fly on fly paper! I am very passionate about being a mama! I love my one on one time with Jake and the same will be true for the next bundle of joy. I do not miss working a full time job one bit. The stresses that come with being a mom are so much more rewarding than earning a income for me.
I hope you take the time to read. Maybe you can share your thoughts with me about it, so long as we can be civil in our words.
She also has some other great posts about parenting and marriage etc. I hope you get the chance to browse a little on her site.
I love to read on the thoughts of other moms, especially those who have been a mom much longer than a few years, have older kids and have had a happy successful marriage for 10 plus years. I have a much easier time taking her words to heart than someone not as experienced in the mommy department. I only say that because I know that one moms opinion over another doesn't make them an expert in parenting and marriage but it does say a lot when you see how successful one is because they cares nothing more than how God views her and her family. We are all learning and we all make mistakes because we are human, but that doesn't excuse us from modeling what the Bible teaches to others and especially our own kids!

Here are the links for you:
http://www.courageoushomekeeping.com/featured/is-it-a-sin-to-work-outside-the-home-part-1/
http://www.courageoushomekeeping.com/featured/is-it-a-sin-to-work-outside-the-home-part-2/
http://www.courageoushomekeeping.com/featured/is-it-a-sin-to-work-outside-the-home-part-3/
http://www.courageoushomekeeping.com/featured/is-it-a-sin-to-work-outside-the-home-part-3/
http://www.courageoushomekeeping.com/featured/is-it-a-sin-to-work-outside-the-home-part-4/
http://www.courageoushomekeeping.com/featured/is-it-a-sin-to-work-outside-the-home-part-5/