If you are stubborn like me, change doesn't always come easy. I'm learning to embracing change in my life and see God work on my heart in the many ways I am changing. I don't know where that will take me but I trust God to use me in the ways I never thought were possible. I'm scared to say that sometimes because I know the moment I am willing to let God use me that could put me in situations I am not comfortable with. I hesitate to even mess with writing a blog about this because my thoughts can be so messy in writing but I felt good about it today and wanted to share my heart and what God is teaching me.

I'm learning that I don't care as much about luxuries like I used too. Ever since my 6 month hike on the Appalachian Trail I don't worry as much about wearing make-up(I still wear it but not as much and not as often), taking a shower everyday(don't worry, I do at least once a week.....Just kidding!), getting my nails done, having lots of jewelry, having highlights, buying new clothes, having a perfectly clean house, shaving(yes I still shave, but if a week goes by and I have hairy legs I am not bothered by it), eating out, cable, cell phones...I don't have a data plan and really hope I don't ever have too have one. These are just a few of the luxuries I am realizing aren't that important to me. I still enjoy them, but they have becomes things I am okay with living without excess of them.

I am learning more and more that I need to do more than just support a few missionaries and supporting a compassion child from Columbia. Something inside me just doesn't want to accept that it is enough for me to just hand out money and not get my hands dirty. I am not sure how to go beyond just giving money at this point, but God is a God of perfect timing and maybe he is preparing me for something and it isn't time yet.

I'm beginning to understand what matters most in life. It's not the condition of my house, my car, my education, how much money is in the savings or retirement funds, arguing over different opinions in relation to politics, parenting, and belief systems; or my social status. What matters is how I live my life according to the way Christ commands me to live on a daily basis.
How I serve others.
How I love others.
Am I pleasing God, or trying to please others? I don't want to miss the opportunities, big and small, God places in my life to love, serve, counsel, or to just be available to listen. Over the last couple of years I've been learning something so vitally important to the way I relate to others how I think. I am a first born which means I am a perfectionist at heart. I strive for perfection while setting high expectations in myself and others as well. This has made it difficult for me in my relationships and you know what. I was wrong. Very very wrong. I don't know what caused me to change exactly but I'm glad it happened because I notice how it has helped me become more grateful, less critical, and strive for excellence rather than perfection. To be perfect means to be flawless. Thankfully I now know I can't be flawless and therefore I am less stressed out, more laid back, more forgiving, and less uptight and I love the flow of life, yes, even when my ducks are not all in a row! Where does this leave me? It means I practice sharing and giving more. Loving and serving more. Praying and dying to myself more and working on making myself more available to the needs of others. My heart breaks for hungry and lonely children so maybe God will give me an opportunity where I am able to change the life of a dying child. I really don't know, but I am at peace knowing God already has a plan. All I need to be is available and willing.