Sunday, March 20, 2011

First Day of Spring and my "slow cooker"

I am still pregnant! Ugh! I can't tell you how frustrated I was when I waited 21 total days past the day I was told to expect Jake, and now I am once again in the same boat at 13 days past the expected day of arrival. Of course that day is just a date they give you and it doesn't always mean it is going to come even within a few days of it, but for crying out loud! I am so sick of being pregnant. The bending over to pick up everyone's stuff(JAKE!), the constant nesting state that I have been in for the last three weeks, the restless nights of sleep, the not so comfortable intimate moments with my husband, the pressure, the pinched nerves, the low back aches at the end of the day, the elbows and knees that Jake has perfect aim with, all the comments I get from people who I don't know that ask when I am due("why aren't you getting induced?" "you look miserable" etc), never feeling comfortable in any kind of sitting position, going to the bathroom every 30 min. Yeah, the list goes on. If I am not constantly busy or have plans I wait around in sheer boredom and think about what I would be doing if I wasn't pregnant.
Whine Whine Whine. I know I need to grow up and stop complaining. I could be on bed rest and not be able to do anything but lay around listening to my son whine because his mama can't get up and play or take him to the park.
My one perk for not having gone into labor yet is that today is the first day of Spring! I can gladly say that this baby will not be a winter baby. THANK GOODNESS!
I have pretty much everything ready to go. We set up the birthing tub last Tuesday thinking for sure something was going to happen last week. I just love how it has been taking up so much room in my living room!
I have an appointment tomorrow morning with my midwife and really hoping I will not be making that appointment. Seriously Baby! Let's get this party started!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

40 week pics

These were taken a week ago when I was 40 weeks pregnant. I am only 5 days overdue(if my due date was correct) so hold on everyone. This baby will come into the world when it is good and ready. I thought it would be cool to have a baby today(March 13th) because Jake was also born on a Sunday, Sept 13th. There is still time for labor to start and make that happen so we shall see!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Due Date Today...deepest thoughts

I haven't been sleeping well the last several nights. Always wide awake wondering if tonight is the night the baby will come! All the anticipation makes my hearts race to the point where I start to freak out and all I can do is pray to help me change my mindset. I haven't had very many positive thoughts about having a second child lately. Especially not about the labor part of it. Jake's birth was not a terrible experience but it certainly was not one of my favorite experiences either. At least up until the point he was finally out! I don't look forward to labor for the second time at all! I have to be completely honest about this and tell you that being in pain is not something I tolerate very well. I hate being on my period and that pain is nothing compared to giving birth! I don't even have bad cramps when I am on my cycle! I would rather hike the Appalachian Trail all over again than go through what I am about to go through again. I know that sounds extreme because a 6 months hike shouldn't sound more appealing than a 6 hour labor(if I get lucky with only 6 hours of labor).
You would think I would have a lot more confidence the second time around. I don't. I am more scared this time because I know how bad it hurt and I didn't have another child to care for the first time. Plenty of moms do this and we all get through it, but that hasn't changed my apprehensive heart about what I am truly feeling inside. I know it will all change once the baby is finally here. I don't even know what I am having so I feel no relationship to this new person I have been carrying for 9 months. We have names picked out but I can't even call it by name until I know if it is a boy or girl.
I want to say that I am tough, but I don't feel tough. Most people think I am crazy and "tough" for having a baby at home. I might be crazy, but I am certainly not tough. I know I can get through it. I did it once and I can do it again.
Every birth experience is different from the first and as tired as I am of being pregnant I just never seem to feel ready to go through with it(as if I have a choice). *sigh* I must sound like a big wimp!
Jake is now down for a nap and that is where I am about to head myself. No signs of labor yet! My gut tells me it will be soon though. Pray that I will not have so many negative thoughts and learn to relax when the time comes.