Parenting Tip
October 25, 2010Teach Children to Take a Break
When you begin to see a bad attitude or hear that manipulative whining voice, have your child take a Break. With young children, as young as two or three years old, have them sit in a particular place, a chair, a carpet square, the hallway, or a bottom step. For older children, you might send them to the parent's room or to another quiet place.
We believe that the Break is much more helpful than Time Out. The instructions given are simple and clear. "You need to go take a Break. Come back and see me when you've calmed down and are ready to talk about this nicely."
Two differences are important. The child knows that the objective in taking a Break is a changed heart and also the child helps determine the length of time spent in the break place, coming back only when ready for a debriefing.
These two differences between Time Out and the Break change the posture of the parent. With Time Out, the parent is the policeman, keeping the child in the chair until the sentence for misbehavior has been served. With the Break, the parent is eagerly waiting for the child to return so that they can debrief and more forward.
The Break helps parents address heart issues with children and can become a primary discipline technique. It actually comes from the Bible in the teaching about discipline in God's family, the Church (Matthew 18, 1 Corinthians 5, and 2 Corinthians 2). The idea is basically this: If you can't abide by the principles that make this family work, then you can't enjoy the benefits of family life. The two go hand in hand.
This parenting tip was taken from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
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I like the idea of a "break." This is what I try to do with Annabel (sometimes I'll admit it turns into time-out, but that's never my goal, just my human-ness), anyway, a GREAT idea is to have a designated "comfort corner." This is the child's designated place for taking a break and regrouping from big feelings. You can have a pillow or beanbag, other comforting items like a favorite stuffed animal or books, a picture of the family, etc.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I didn't like about the "tip" was his use of the word "manipulative." I think so often these parenting "experts" view children as manipulative inconveniences. Whining is not always manipulative- children are immature and in their immaturity don't have the words to express how they're feeling... so they whine. It's communicating- just not very effectively.
I have lots of great resources for the comfort corner idea if you're interested. :)
I like Lynsey's comment about children not being intentionally malicious in their whining. She's right. Often whining is the result of immaturity and a lack of ability to communicate well. Good point.
ReplyDeleteI would encourage you Lynsey to recognize that we "parenting experts" are just real people too. We're learning and growing. We don't always say it right. I think maybe you're coming on a little too strong and so I thought I'd respond to help you see that there is a real person behind the comments.
I'm interested in learning more about the Comfort Corner if you'd like to send me a link. My personal email address is scott@biblicalparenting.org --Blessings, Scott Turansky
Hey Mel, I actually saw these two in a parenting conferences and LOVED them. I really like the one book they wrote it was called something like stop the whining and bad attitude in your kids and you. I probably totally said it wrong but I really found that book helpful. I think a break is a great parenting tool...thanks for the reminder :)
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