I haven't been sleeping well the last several nights. Always wide awake wondering if tonight is the night the baby will come! All the anticipation makes my hearts race to the point where I start to freak out and all I can do is pray to help me change my mindset. I haven't had very many positive thoughts about having a second child lately. Especially not about the labor part of it. Jake's birth was not a terrible experience but it certainly was not one of my favorite experiences either. At least up until the point he was finally out! I don't look forward to labor for the second time at all! I have to be completely honest about this and tell you that being in pain is not something I tolerate very well. I hate being on my period and that pain is nothing compared to giving birth! I don't even have bad cramps when I am on my cycle! I would rather hike the Appalachian Trail all over again than go through what I am about to go through again. I know that sounds extreme because a 6 months hike shouldn't sound more appealing than a 6 hour labor(if I get lucky with only 6 hours of labor).
You would think I would have a lot more confidence the second time around. I don't. I am more scared this time because I know how bad it hurt and I didn't have another child to care for the first time. Plenty of moms do this and we all get through it, but that hasn't changed my apprehensive heart about what I am truly feeling inside. I know it will all change once the baby is finally here. I don't even know what I am having so I feel no relationship to this new person I have been carrying for 9 months. We have names picked out but I can't even call it by name until I know if it is a boy or girl.
I want to say that I am tough, but I don't feel tough. Most people think I am crazy and "tough" for having a baby at home. I might be crazy, but I am certainly not tough. I know I can get through it. I did it once and I can do it again.
Every birth experience is different from the first and as tired as I am of being pregnant I just never seem to feel ready to go through with it(as if I have a choice). *sigh* I must sound like a big wimp!
Jake is now down for a nap and that is where I am about to head myself. No signs of labor yet! My gut tells me it will be soon though. Pray that I will not have so many negative thoughts and learn to relax when the time comes.
Mel, I will not try and convince you that everything will be fine because I know in your heart you know this! I will just pray pray pray for you! You will do wonderful because you have God and a wonderful husband there to encourage you when the difficult times come! Can't wait to hear what you are having.
ReplyDeleteOnce the baby comes, just allow yourself time to get used to it. Don't try to do too much too soon. I am on my first week without help and I feel like at any moment I'm going to lose my mind. But I know that this is God's plan for me and I just have to accept that with every change, there are growing pains that go along with it. Thanks for your honesty! Love ya!
I know the anticipation of labor and delivery makes us all go a little crazy. And like Stacy said, I know you know, you will be fine. But it doesn't always make us feel better that we know that. I remember my dad telling me, 'a happy mom makes a happy baby.' And I would roll my eyes at him for saying that. I also know that it is hard to focus on much of anything else when you are so close to going into labor. So with all that said, I just had to tell myself to just stop it, be positive and go on about my business. ;-)
ReplyDeleteThanks girls! I do know that in the end I will make it and everything will be ok. Thanks for your words and prayers!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that it is so close! I'm not going to even pretend that I have any idea what you are going through, but I know that your adorable new baby will be worth any pain that you go through. I'll be keeping you in my prayers and I look forward to hearing the news!
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