Scrambled Thoughts

So it is currently 4:39am and I can't seem to sleep. We watched the Opening Ceremonies for the Olympics until 11pm and decided we had been bored for long enough and it was time to go to bed. I feed Jake one last time and headed to bed, hopefully until 6am when Jake would wake up to eat.  I am not sure why I am awake right now feeling like I could run a mini marathon. It could be the fact that I drank two cups of cafinated coffee around 9pm and sugared up on birthday cake and ice cream for Joe's mom's birthday dinner. Or it could be the Lord trying to get my attention about something. So, at my failed attempt to try fall asleep for the past 5 hours I gave up and spent sometime praying and asking him to speak.  Maybe I shouldn't be on the computer after asking him that, but sometimes it just helps me relax when I can write out everything that goes on in my mind when I feel restless.  Right before I got out of bed feeling defeated by my inability to fall asleep, the verses that talk about Jesus staying up all night to pray popped into my head so I thought I should just get up and go with it. My prayer life has always seemed to be one of the hardest spiritual disciplines for me to perfect. I have always felt like a prayer failure instead of a prayer warrior. This year one of my goals was to read the Bible through twice this year.  Here is a thought that some of you may have thought of before that I have never thought of so tell me what you think.  Of all the stories in the Bible about people who followed God in the Old and New Testament, God appeared, in some form or another, to them and told them what to do when, where, how, and not necessarily why.  If they did what they were asked to do by God they were fully blessed by him and so were their descendants. If they didn't do what God asked they were destroyed, well at least before Christ died on the cross(Pause: I am really struggling with how to explain my thoughts so bare with me. Hence the title of this blog cause I might be all over the place). If you follow Christ, think about the way you live as a follower today.  Go ahead, take a moment and think, how do you follow Christ compared to the way people did in the Bible.  I am not trying to make you feel guilty or less of a person at all or try to tell you how righteous of a person I am, cause I am far from where I want to be. I am just really beginning to search my heart and where I am in my walk with Christ. It has been really easy for me to say that I follow Christ, go to church, tithe, and a "GOOD" person. Is that all I have to do to be a Christ follower?  I'm sure it isn't and that is why I am looking at the way I live my life and compare it to all the prophets, apostles, and leadersGod appeared to in the Bible.  Now those guys, and girls had a real relationship with Christ. The other day during one of my daily Bible readings I paused to think about how cool it had to have been for all those that God had appeared to or heard God speak too and work through.  Take Moses for example.  He was a nobody until God showed up to him in a bush and told him he was going to use him to save the Israelites. Woa God! You want to use a nobody to lead thousand of people out of the land of slavery? Crazy! What did Moses do? He led them out after God showed the big bad Egyptians that God wasn't going to let them win. Sure they had to wander through the desert for 40 years before they arrived at the land flowing with milk and honey but all the ways God provided for them along the way and not to mention the ways he protected them from harm is just so cool to me. Those that decided they weren't going to listen to God were killed by the people that followed God because God told them to finish them.  How neat for those people to get to see the pillar of fire and smoke lead them through the desert! Or how about walking on the floor of the Red Sea with two huge walls of water on either side of you?  So many other stories like that and here I am reading them thinking about how cool it would be if being a follower today was like it was in the Bible.  Then I thought, "well why can't it be?" How silly of me to think that God isn't, won't, can't work in us today like he did then. Maybe he doesn't because we won't let him, or don't believe that he can, or will use us like he used Abraham, Joseph, Noah, Esther, Paul and all his disciples etc.(Hold that thought. Need to go feed Jake. Back in a moment)  This Holy and Righteous life that men and women in the Bible were called to follow must have been pretty stinking important to God and is still just as important to him today. Now I know there were just as many wicked people in the world then as there are today, but how often to you hear stories in this present time that were similar to stories you read from the Bible.  For me, it isn't very often that I physically see God's hand at work. Sure I can tell you of some cool things that has happened in my life that I am 100% certain it was God's hand at work, but it just doesn't compare to what I am reading.  The questions I have started to ask myself in the last few weeks is, "how do I measure up to the men and women of faith in the Bible?"  What does living a righteous and holy life actually look like? God asks us to seek him and we will know him. What does it mean to seek him? What does true faith feel like?  I feel the church today has lost it's touch with the way God has called us to live.  What was it about people in the Bible that made God speak out loud too, or randomly appear too? I know I would pee my pants if God showed up out of no where in my living room! Maybe I am thinking too much? Or maybe I am asking the right questions for me and only me? Am I the only one who feels this way, or asks these questions? Another thing I noticed in the OT was the long number of years that people lived back then. Was it because they were stronger in their faith and God wanted them to stick around longer so he could use them to help people?  Sounds like a dumb question after I read it, but I have always been told that no question is a dumb one.
Well it is now 6:10am and I think I have done all the thinking I can handle right now.  thanks for listening and letting me spill my thoughts on you.  Now for me to try and sleep a little before Jake wakes up for the day!  I am predicting my Saturday isn't going to be as relaxing as I want it to be.  Especially since we have a nephew's birthday party to attend today.  Oh boy!  Happy weekend readers and Happy Valentines Day!